Top Five Inappropriate Places to Propose

I recently saw a guy go down on one knee and propose to his girlfriend on the concourse of Paddington Station in London. There was a red rose, tears, a large rock and applause from fellow travellers. She said ‘yes’. According to the future Mrs. Paddington Station the couple were off to visit her dad. Let’s hope he had given his consent otherwise he was in for quite a surprise that Friday evening. If there was one ugly stain on this otherwise romantic image it was the comments from the guy sitting on the bench next to me. He appeared to be one of those office workers who celebrate the end of the week by sucking on the end of a screw-top wine bottle. Every so often he would pull the bottle from his rucksack and neck a slug. He too applauded the tightly embracing couple before yelling out his words of heartfelt wisdom

‘Two words,’ he slurred as we all turned to hear what wisdom on love and marriage he was about to divulge. ‘Hotel room!’

This got me thinking and here is my Top Five of Inappropriate Places to Propose.

The Noisy Pub

After ten pints of lager and several rounds of tequilas offering up a marriage proposal always seems like a brilliant idea. This level of alcohol consumption usually goes hand in hand with some kind of celebration and all that entails – shouting, music, singing, some shouting and more shouting.  The response you don’t want from your beloved in these circumstances after you’ve popped the question is ‘You want to carry what?’

In a Moving Vehicle

Let be specific here, in a moving vehicle that you are driving. It’s a great idea to ask a girlfriend to rummage through the glove compartment for a fictitious something only to find a little red box. But make sure you’re parked up before doing so. You don’t want her throwing her arms around your neck (a ‘yes’) or trying to exit the car (a ‘no’) while you’re doing 69 miles an hour on the M5.

Your Old Room

Unless your parents own Blenheim Palace it’s unlikely you’ll have a shady nook in a vast garden in which to perform the act of proposal. More likely than not it’ll have to be in the house and with mum and dad watching Strictly Come Dancing in the lounge you’re likely to opt for your old room. Don’t. Nothing screams ‘Never marry this man’ louder than reflections of your immature teenage self. If you’re lucky it’s become the ‘sewing’ room but some mums like to keep shrine intact ’just in case you need it’. And you will need it if you propose to any girl in this room. While you’re on one knee the slow realisation of dread will spread over her as she eyes the Megadeath Poster, Harry Potter collection (including The Standard Book of Spells) and your old Spider Man duvet cover. The voice in her head will scream ‘run fast, run far’ and believe me – she will.

On a Roller Coaster

To get any kind of answer out of her it’s going to have to be when the car you are in is in a trough, which would mean shouting ‘Will you marry me’ as you swing and swoop down from a peak. Get your timing wrong and if she’s thinking about her response just as you breach a crest the only answer you’ll get from her as you race down the other side is a ‘NNNNOOOOOOOOOO’.

Anywhere

The bad news and the good news is that any place is bad if she’s going to say ‘no’, but any place is good if she’s going to say ‘yes!’

David Evans is a professional speech writer. For more information about his speeches and poems for the groom, best man, father of the bride, corporate events and much more visit WriteMeASpeech for a free consultation.