I recently saw a guy go down on one knee and propose to his
girlfriend on the concourse of Paddington Station in London. There was a red
rose, tears, a large rock and applause from fellow travellers. She said ‘yes’. According
to the future Mrs. Paddington Station the couple were off to visit her dad.
Let’s hope he had given his consent otherwise he was in for quite a surprise
that Friday evening. If there was one ugly stain on this otherwise romantic image
it was the comments from the guy sitting on the bench next to me. He appeared
to be one of those office workers who celebrate the end of the week by sucking
on the end of a screw-top wine bottle. Every so often he would pull the bottle
from his rucksack and neck a slug. He too applauded the tightly embracing
couple before yelling out his words of heartfelt wisdom
‘Two words,’ he slurred as we all turned to hear what wisdom
on love and marriage he was about to divulge. ‘Hotel room!’
This got me thinking and here is my Top Five of
Inappropriate Places to Propose.
The Noisy Pub
After ten pints of lager and several rounds of tequilas
offering up a marriage proposal always seems like a brilliant idea. This level
of alcohol consumption usually goes hand in hand with some kind of celebration
and all that entails – shouting, music, singing, some shouting and more
shouting. The response you don’t want
from your beloved in these circumstances after you’ve popped the question is
‘You want to carry what?’
In a Moving Vehicle
Let be specific here, in a moving vehicle that you are
driving. It’s a great idea to ask a girlfriend to rummage through the glove
compartment for a fictitious something only to find a little red box. But make
sure you’re parked up before doing so. You don’t want her throwing her arms
around your neck (a ‘yes’) or trying to exit the car (a ‘no’) while you’re
doing 69 miles an hour on the M5.
Your Old Room
Unless your parents own Blenheim Palace it’s unlikely you’ll
have a shady nook in a vast garden in which to perform the act of proposal.
More likely than not it’ll have to be in the house and with mum and dad
watching Strictly Come Dancing in the lounge you’re likely to opt for your old
room. Don’t. Nothing screams ‘Never marry this man’ louder than reflections of
your immature teenage self. If you’re lucky it’s become the ‘sewing’ room but
some mums like to keep shrine intact ’just in case you need it’. And you will need
it if you propose to any girl in this room. While you’re on one knee the slow
realisation of dread will spread over her as she eyes the Megadeath Poster,
Harry Potter collection (including The Standard Book of Spells) and your old Spider
Man duvet cover. The voice in her head will scream ‘run fast, run far’ and
believe me – she will.
On a Roller Coaster
To get any kind of answer out of her it’s going to have to
be when the car you are in is in a trough, which would mean shouting ‘Will you
marry me’ as you swing and swoop down from a peak. Get your timing wrong and if
she’s thinking about her response just as you breach a crest the only answer
you’ll get from her as you race down the other side is a ‘NNNNOOOOOOOOOO’.
Anywhere
The bad news and the good news is that any place is bad if
she’s going to say ‘no’, but any place is good if she’s going to say ‘yes!’
David Evans is a professional speech writer. For more
information about his speeches and poems for the groom, best man, father of the
bride, corporate events and much more visit WriteMeASpeech for a free
consultation.
